Holla,
Did u hear that childhood rhyme -Mary had a little lamb? i heard her gynec fainted..
Am getting a tad nostalgic about me childhood...i blame it on vodka, rum, society(hell every1 blames every1) and well mum for fondly remembering them! i am gonna dole out some of my deeds rather important lessons so if any of you want to start on the monk's footsteps you know how young and clever you need to be!
LESSON-1 Homework Avoidance!
AGE- 3.5-4.5 years
"Enough mum! look even my hands are swollen!" "son, you have just filled one box with an A..we need to fill 14 more!"
"i need a glass of water".."ok! now that we have had water come on and show me how we write A in this box.."
"I need to go peee-pee" "allright run..dont do it on the floor"
"Is there anything you need to be done kiddo before you write A?"
"mum the pencil just broke!"
"grr..give me that!(resharpens pencil)
"here, now write.."
"i am feeling hungry." "not now kid, write".
"i think i hear vinayak calling me down to play!"
"that is imagination running wild..now plz write something!"
"No! Vinaaaaaaaayyyyyaaakk am coming down right away! mum i will do homework later after i come back home!"
"nothing doing, your doing it right now!"
"i will only write A 5 more times ha!"
"fine just do it"
(times A written 6/15..the rest done by mum)
Next week lesson two!
Patented: Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot at again and again!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
move to the usa
Oh! holla again...sorry for the mess...i guess there's some room in that corner for you to stand...no not near those pretty damsels crying...yeah thats right,there...just shove him aside hes as it is knocked out drinking to my health or rather use him as a cushion..just dont step on his tummy..we dont want additional mess here
so my friend..its almost time for me to say goodbye...the bags are being packed,students dispersing to their homes and unused condoms being chucked...its time for me to go spread my teaching to the Americans now...
i know its a sad time especially after all the time we have spent at the hookah joints...but the BMC would have its way nonetheless...and i feel that a global base must be setup to travel everywhere and spread my message of PEACE and HIC!
well its time you be off as well good comrade..and remember my words for they will guide you when i am not around
Never work on a day ending with a "Y".
patented: well you know da routine...my shotgun is ever ready!
so my friend..its almost time for me to say goodbye...the bags are being packed,students dispersing to their homes and unused condoms being chucked...its time for me to go spread my teaching to the Americans now...
i know its a sad time especially after all the time we have spent at the hookah joints...but the BMC would have its way nonetheless...and i feel that a global base must be setup to travel everywhere and spread my message of PEACE and HIC!
well its time you be off as well good comrade..and remember my words for they will guide you when i am not around
Never work on a day ending with a "Y".
patented: well you know da routine...my shotgun is ever ready!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monk's newsletter!
Breaking(no idea what is being broken) News!
In a startling revelation today your monk has agreed to make a movie on his life! yes! its true, he has finally decided to go global with his teachings!
the movie is all set to be launched next year and will star our very own superstar Mr. Monk! it will be financed by the world famous tequila connoisseur Mr. Monk! and it will be directed by the renowned director Mr.Monk! this movie will be under the banner Monk's Arts with special guest appearances by not so well known a star Amitabh Bachan!
In an exclusive with the Monk's news letter journalist Mr. Monk..the superstar of the century Mr Monk expressly stated that he was very glad that his teachings would spread globally and international exposure would raise the hopes of millions of nirvana seekers world wide! in his own words.." HIC!....what was the question again!"
The title of the movie is yet to be decided but MR. MONK Becons You is touted to be the title of this film whos budget is supposed to blow yours minds away(literally cause the producer does plan to do a stick up!)
Auditions are on for the female lead in the movie and if inside sources are to be believed it is rigged in favour of a pretty actress and her 2 best buddies who will all star along with the Monk, but hopefuls are requested to contact Mr. Monk after working hours for more details!
Untill further news this is your very own Journalist Mr.Monk only on your favourite channel Monksayz.blogspot.com
Patented: trespassers will be shot ! survivors will be shot at again and again !
Breaking(no idea what is being broken) News!
In a startling revelation today your monk has agreed to make a movie on his life! yes! its true, he has finally decided to go global with his teachings!
the movie is all set to be launched next year and will star our very own superstar Mr. Monk! it will be financed by the world famous tequila connoisseur Mr. Monk! and it will be directed by the renowned director Mr.Monk! this movie will be under the banner Monk's Arts with special guest appearances by not so well known a star Amitabh Bachan!
In an exclusive with the Monk's news letter journalist Mr. Monk..the superstar of the century Mr Monk expressly stated that he was very glad that his teachings would spread globally and international exposure would raise the hopes of millions of nirvana seekers world wide! in his own words.." HIC!....what was the question again!"
The title of the movie is yet to be decided but MR. MONK Becons You is touted to be the title of this film whos budget is supposed to blow yours minds away(literally cause the producer does plan to do a stick up!)
Auditions are on for the female lead in the movie and if inside sources are to be believed it is rigged in favour of a pretty actress and her 2 best buddies who will all star along with the Monk, but hopefuls are requested to contact Mr. Monk after working hours for more details!
Untill further news this is your very own Journalist Mr.Monk only on your favourite channel Monksayz.blogspot.com
Patented: trespassers will be shot ! survivors will be shot at again and again !
Friday, June 27, 2008
Grab a beer and sit...your are just in time to hear the monk speak of his latest experiences in life...enlightenment awaits you!
holla, fellow enlightenment seekers...i have uncovered the true secret of loosing weight...yes! yes! u heard me right ways to loose weight!...stop kissing me...let me give you a list of things you need to do to loose all that extra flab in no time
1. enlist the help of family members
2. stock your fridge with chocolates and cold drinks..for the burger addicts i suggest pizzas along with burgers
3. make the family members deplore how thin you look!...let them call you underfed!under nourished
4. let them eat before you that way you know they eat more than you!
5. watch them burp and barf and leave nitrous oxide(before you eat)
6. now sit to eat
7. automatically you will eat less
8.and voila,instant weight loss
statutory declaration- all the above tips have been generated by a hyper imaginative mind with no sense of realism whatsoever,any success following these tips is purely co-incidential but will be shown here as proof of success!
Patented- trespassers will be shot,survivors will be shot at again and again!
holla, fellow enlightenment seekers...i have uncovered the true secret of loosing weight...yes! yes! u heard me right ways to loose weight!...stop kissing me...let me give you a list of things you need to do to loose all that extra flab in no time
1. enlist the help of family members
2. stock your fridge with chocolates and cold drinks..for the burger addicts i suggest pizzas along with burgers
3. make the family members deplore how thin you look!...let them call you underfed!under nourished
4. let them eat before you that way you know they eat more than you!
5. watch them burp and barf and leave nitrous oxide(before you eat)
6. now sit to eat
7. automatically you will eat less
8.and voila,instant weight loss
statutory declaration- all the above tips have been generated by a hyper imaginative mind with no sense of realism whatsoever,any success following these tips is purely co-incidential but will be shown here as proof of success!
Patented- trespassers will be shot,survivors will be shot at again and again!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
THE SEARCH FOR DA INNER PIECE
:
THE SEARCH FOR DA INNER PIECE!!!
holla holla.... the monastary of
monkhood welcomes ye all again for another tet-a-tet with the one and only...me
right let me get a few things cleared its not peace its trully piece...i have been missing a lot of them recently...darn these souvenir hunters or maybe just darn this awful breeze...
right so those who came here expecting inner peace sermons let me tell you my personal experience...my quest for peace and tranquility...
tranquility can be attained throught two ways 1> by being supremely unconcerned about the world or 2> taking a shot of tequila...inner peace on the other hand is really hard to get...
i tried the method of keeping a days silence...not uttering a word to anyone...heres an update on how the hours went by
8 hours....i slept...total quite(apart from the occasional snore)
waking hour 1- everyone's pardoned to ask for a hot cupa tea
waking hour two- excrutiating...maddening silence..kylie minouge sings *cant get u outa my head* inside of my head
hour two...govinda is doing a jig...*meri pant bhi sexy*...he repeats this 10 times
hour 3- i go and blow up a few aliens on my new pc game...silence is maintained
hour four...tick-tock, tick-tock...totally bored outa my skin
hour-five... the cell phone becomes a beautiful sight...why cant it ring when u want it to?
hour 6....andheri raaton mein sunsaan rahon par....ring ring..phew thank god u called hon..i would have gone sane otherwise!
total time elapsed...14 hours almost(a new record)
patented: trespassers will be shot,survivors will be shot at again!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Hell's gate...the full story
BOMBAY-1987 A.D(CURRENT DAY MUMBAI)....
A BOY WAS BORN.LIKE ALL OTHERS HE WAS EXAMINED BY PROFESSIONALS...DEEMED TO BE A GLORIOUS FLIRT HE WAS PLACED IN A CRIB BETWEEN THE CRIBS OF 2 FEMALES...HE WAS DEEMED TO BE THE LEADER OF THE WORLD...THE CHOSEN ONE
FROM THE TENDER AGE OF TWO HE WAS BAPTISED WITH ICE...TRAINED NEVER TO GIVE UP LEARNING..NEVER TO GET HIS POETRY WRONG...NEVER TO GET A SPELLING ERROR...TAUGHT TO WRITE EXAMS WITH HONOUR AND SKILL...HE WAS TRAINED TO DO WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO,WHAT WE WERE BRED TO DO...WHAT WE WERE BORN TO DO--STUDY!
THEN ON REACHING 4 HE WAS CRUELLY TAKEN AWAY FROM HIS MOTHER AND THROWN INTO THE MAD WORLD CALLED SCHOOL JUST LIKE HIS FELLOW MEN...WHERE HE LEARNT AGAIN TO WRITE...TO READ..TO RECITE...TO MAKE PEN AND PAPER A PART OF HIMSELF AS MUCH AS HIS OWN BEATING HEART...
HIS INITIATION WAS BY FIRE..SLEEPLESS NIGHTS TRYING TO CRAM IN THE SYLLABUS OF 3 MONTHS IN 1 NIGHT...NO SLEEP...NO TELEVISION!...HE WAS MADE TO PIT HIS WITS AGAINST THE CRUEL STATE BOARD(2002 A.D.)...
THE NIGHT OF HIS INITIATION...IT IS NOT THE FEAR OF THE RESULT THAT GRIPS HIM...JUST A HIGHTENED SENSE OF THINGS TO COME..THE RESULTS CIRCLE HIM...LIKE A WOLF READY TO TAKE ITS VICTIM..SAVOURING THE FAILURE TO COME...THE HERO DOESNT FLINCH..HE STRIKES SWIFT AND HARD..AND HE WINS HIS FIRST BATTLE (87%)...
HE RETURNS TO HIS PEOPLE A WINNER...A MONK!
OUR GREAT LEADER-LORD MONK
AAAAAUOOOOOOOO....(for those who didn't know its a spartan war cry)
ITS BEEN MORE THAN 5 YEARS SINCE THE WOLF AND THE STRIKE...A NEW ENEMY APPROACHES...JUST LIKE THE WOLF...SAVOURING THE MEAL TO COME...READY TO DEVOUR EVERYTHING IN ITS PATH..READY TO SNUFF OUT THE WORLD'S ONE LAST HOPE OF SALVATION...
THIS FOE IS MORE FORMIDABLE..SCORING AGAINST IT WOULD BE TOUGHER...ONCE AGAIN ITS NOT FEAR THAT GRIPS HIM..JUST THE DREAD THAT HE HASN'T STUDIED ANYTHING.....IT SEEMS JUST LIKE YESTERDAY WHEN THE GREAT LORD YELLED TO HIMSELF AND HIS FELLOW WARRIORS..GIVE THEM NOTHING BUT TAKE FROM THEM... EVERYTHING(MARKS)...
BATTLE FORMATIONS APPROACH.
Battle formations approach...framed by unrelenting paper setters..these are the real enemies...unforgiving..uncaring..The monk and his comrades stand side by side awaiting the formations..every second hightening their tension...
A Peacemaker approaches...he is the supervisor..the hand of the exam system himself...its his job to take away what little the warriors assembled have written and hand them over to the checkers for greater punishment...
He says "Students lay down your pens and hand me your answer booklets"....the threat instills a chill down the very spine of our warriors...they are many but the few who supervise them are stronger...faster...merciless...
But then out of the blue we all hear the monk's booming voice...he is the first roll number in his class..."SUPERVISORS...COME AND GET THEM"...
The war cry has been made...the battle has begun..questions charge wildly...compulsory or with options...but each one made to test every fibre in the young minds of the brave 7 lakh...
First up..the formidable accounts one paper..As the enemy approaches the Monk takes a glance sideways to his queen..shes right there right beside him..equally tense but ready...he says"easy girl"..then he turns to his fellow warriors..."this is where we hold them..this is where we tackle those question..this is where we solve them"...
DAY 1- OVERWHELMED
Losses were suffered..severe ones...papers were left incomplete..balance-sheets didn't tally..easy questions were lengthy..tough 1s were tougher...Our leader monk was still hopeful.."we have lost the battle we will not loose the war."
DAY 2 THE FIGHTBACK BEGINS
A glorious day..2day no examinee dies...recovering from the onslaught of the previous day our heroes were greeted with gladdening news..taxation assault will be postponed by more than 10 days...we rejoice as the enemy is struck down by zeus himself~!
DAY 3-DOMINATION!!
Dawn..whips crack...students moan..those awake yawn widely..those asleep..aah well sleep..we bear witness to the worst possible ratio test thrown at us..its like a wild rampaging beast charging at us...big clumsy beast..the monk's mind is sharper than the setters...he finishes it of in one go...DOMINATION..
Back at the home front the monk is confronted by his superiors..why did he wish for the tax brigade to be delayed...why hadn't he prepared for them..why had he delayed his preparations...The monk looks at his queen...then to his men...then he turns back to his superiors..."madness huh!...i don't think so..this is COMMERCE!"
DAY 4- THE IMMORTALS
STUDENTS-PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR ONE HELL OF A NIGHT...ECONOMICS APPROACH...FACELESS..LETHAL..DONT FORGET YOUR STATISTICS..TONIGHT THERE IS NO SLEEP JUST A WILD BORING NIGHT AHEAD...
Thr battle is fierce..its all about survival...those fortunate, complete their papers..the unfortunate rue their chances...after 3 hours of hand breaking speed the heroes finish their papers....immortals huh..the eco questions failed at the monk's wrists....
DAY 5- MAGIC
When everything else failed they resorted to magic and treachery...foolish exam setters..they failed to realise that the holiday had given the students enough time to prepare...
DAY 6- REINFORCEMENTS ARRIVE
ON A DAY riddled with losses on either side the warriors were enlightened with the news that re-inforcements arrived in the form of an easy computer paper...the day was ours...songs were sung of glorious deeds and of the fallen comrades...our monk allowed himself to get hopeful..hopeful of a distinction...but more good news was in store..the results of monk's previous battles were out..he scored a massive 114/120 in the TOEFL iBT exam
Day 7
Then all of a sudden after 10 days of cease fire a deathly calm spread over the war zone..people were delighted the surviving warriors celebrated..at last..it was over..
A BOY WAS BORN.LIKE ALL OTHERS HE WAS EXAMINED BY PROFESSIONALS...DEEMED TO BE A GLORIOUS FLIRT HE WAS PLACED IN A CRIB BETWEEN THE CRIBS OF 2 FEMALES...HE WAS DEEMED TO BE THE LEADER OF THE WORLD...THE CHOSEN ONE
FROM THE TENDER AGE OF TWO HE WAS BAPTISED WITH ICE...TRAINED NEVER TO GIVE UP LEARNING..NEVER TO GET HIS POETRY WRONG...NEVER TO GET A SPELLING ERROR...TAUGHT TO WRITE EXAMS WITH HONOUR AND SKILL...HE WAS TRAINED TO DO WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO,WHAT WE WERE BRED TO DO...WHAT WE WERE BORN TO DO--STUDY!
THEN ON REACHING 4 HE WAS CRUELLY TAKEN AWAY FROM HIS MOTHER AND THROWN INTO THE MAD WORLD CALLED SCHOOL JUST LIKE HIS FELLOW MEN...WHERE HE LEARNT AGAIN TO WRITE...TO READ..TO RECITE...TO MAKE PEN AND PAPER A PART OF HIMSELF AS MUCH AS HIS OWN BEATING HEART...
HIS INITIATION WAS BY FIRE..SLEEPLESS NIGHTS TRYING TO CRAM IN THE SYLLABUS OF 3 MONTHS IN 1 NIGHT...NO SLEEP...NO TELEVISION!...HE WAS MADE TO PIT HIS WITS AGAINST THE CRUEL STATE BOARD(2002 A.D.)...
THE NIGHT OF HIS INITIATION...IT IS NOT THE FEAR OF THE RESULT THAT GRIPS HIM...JUST A HIGHTENED SENSE OF THINGS TO COME..THE RESULTS CIRCLE HIM...LIKE A WOLF READY TO TAKE ITS VICTIM..SAVOURING THE FAILURE TO COME...THE HERO DOESNT FLINCH..HE STRIKES SWIFT AND HARD..AND HE WINS HIS FIRST BATTLE (87%)...
HE RETURNS TO HIS PEOPLE A WINNER...A MONK!
OUR GREAT LEADER-LORD MONK
AAAAAUOOOOOOOO....(for those who didn't know its a spartan war cry)
ITS BEEN MORE THAN 5 YEARS SINCE THE WOLF AND THE STRIKE...A NEW ENEMY APPROACHES...JUST LIKE THE WOLF...SAVOURING THE MEAL TO COME...READY TO DEVOUR EVERYTHING IN ITS PATH..READY TO SNUFF OUT THE WORLD'S ONE LAST HOPE OF SALVATION...
THIS FOE IS MORE FORMIDABLE..SCORING AGAINST IT WOULD BE TOUGHER...ONCE AGAIN ITS NOT FEAR THAT GRIPS HIM..JUST THE DREAD THAT HE HASN'T STUDIED ANYTHING.....IT SEEMS JUST LIKE YESTERDAY WHEN THE GREAT LORD YELLED TO HIMSELF AND HIS FELLOW WARRIORS..GIVE THEM NOTHING BUT TAKE FROM THEM... EVERYTHING(MARKS)...
BATTLE FORMATIONS APPROACH.
Battle formations approach...framed by unrelenting paper setters..these are the real enemies...unforgiving..uncaring..The monk and his comrades stand side by side awaiting the formations..every second hightening their tension...
A Peacemaker approaches...he is the supervisor..the hand of the exam system himself...its his job to take away what little the warriors assembled have written and hand them over to the checkers for greater punishment...
He says "Students lay down your pens and hand me your answer booklets"....the threat instills a chill down the very spine of our warriors...they are many but the few who supervise them are stronger...faster...merciless...
But then out of the blue we all hear the monk's booming voice...he is the first roll number in his class..."SUPERVISORS...COME AND GET THEM"...
The war cry has been made...the battle has begun..questions charge wildly...compulsory or with options...but each one made to test every fibre in the young minds of the brave 7 lakh...
First up..the formidable accounts one paper..As the enemy approaches the Monk takes a glance sideways to his queen..shes right there right beside him..equally tense but ready...he says"easy girl"..then he turns to his fellow warriors..."this is where we hold them..this is where we tackle those question..this is where we solve them"...
DAY 1- OVERWHELMED
Losses were suffered..severe ones...papers were left incomplete..balance-sheets didn't tally..easy questions were lengthy..tough 1s were tougher...Our leader monk was still hopeful.."we have lost the battle we will not loose the war."
DAY 2 THE FIGHTBACK BEGINS
A glorious day..2day no examinee dies...recovering from the onslaught of the previous day our heroes were greeted with gladdening news..taxation assault will be postponed by more than 10 days...we rejoice as the enemy is struck down by zeus himself~!
DAY 3-DOMINATION!!
Dawn..whips crack...students moan..those awake yawn widely..those asleep..aah well sleep..we bear witness to the worst possible ratio test thrown at us..its like a wild rampaging beast charging at us...big clumsy beast..the monk's mind is sharper than the setters...he finishes it of in one go...DOMINATION..
Back at the home front the monk is confronted by his superiors..why did he wish for the tax brigade to be delayed...why hadn't he prepared for them..why had he delayed his preparations...The monk looks at his queen...then to his men...then he turns back to his superiors..."madness huh!...i don't think so..this is COMMERCE!"
DAY 4- THE IMMORTALS
STUDENTS-PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR ONE HELL OF A NIGHT...ECONOMICS APPROACH...FACELESS..LETHAL..DONT FORGET YOUR STATISTICS..TONIGHT THERE IS NO SLEEP JUST A WILD BORING NIGHT AHEAD...
Thr battle is fierce..its all about survival...those fortunate, complete their papers..the unfortunate rue their chances...after 3 hours of hand breaking speed the heroes finish their papers....immortals huh..the eco questions failed at the monk's wrists....
DAY 5- MAGIC
When everything else failed they resorted to magic and treachery...foolish exam setters..they failed to realise that the holiday had given the students enough time to prepare...
DAY 6- REINFORCEMENTS ARRIVE
ON A DAY riddled with losses on either side the warriors were enlightened with the news that re-inforcements arrived in the form of an easy computer paper...the day was ours...songs were sung of glorious deeds and of the fallen comrades...our monk allowed himself to get hopeful..hopeful of a distinction...but more good news was in store..the results of monk's previous battles were out..he scored a massive 114/120 in the TOEFL iBT exam
Day 7
Then all of a sudden after 10 days of cease fire a deathly calm spread over the war zone..people were delighted the surviving warriors celebrated..at last..it was over..
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About Me
- Monk's monastary
- allright...this is the blogging world of your favourite romir~the monk(in orkut)...here you will see,forever engraved in cyberspace,his eternal words of wisdom....